Hi! My name is Jack! I’m four and a dog. I’m my parents’ first born son. In a fit of cruelty, Mommy told me that I was adopted. I refuse to believe her. In any case, Mommy told me that I needed to post about my baby brother, the human puppy. They call the human puppy “Ben” or “Bennet”. However, I think the human puppy is kind of slow. He barely knows his own name. I respond to Jack, Jackers, Dog, or Mr. Wiggles. Silly human puppy.
They say I don’t have the greatest memory in the world, so I kind of only remember bits and pieces of life before the human puppy. I do remember there being far fewer rules. Now I’m not allowed to go on the human baby’s blanket. Weird and lame. I have to be “gentle” and “be quiet”. They’re such soul crushers. Barking is my life. Don’t the parents know that I have to protect them from all of those squirrels and deer? What’s up with that? Worst of all, the human puppy has replaced me in sitting next to Daddy on Daddy’s chair. This is a mighty blow to my ego. Sigh. Also, he knows practically no tricks. Mommy and Daddy go bananas when the hairless wonder claps his hands or tries to crawl. I have to perform a circus of tricks in order to get a treat. So not fair. Also, he can yell and cry all he wants and doesn’t get in trouble. There are so many injustices.
There are some good things about human puppy, though. For one, he lets me lick him. This is epic. He is especially tasty after he has yogurt and peanut butter for dessert. His fingers and face are delightful, but I’ll take a toe or two. He also hangs out on the ground with me. Not all humans will do that. And his toys! Man! Those toys make great sounds. I’m not allowed to play with them, but they’re pretty fabulous. However, human puppy learned the best trick ever today. Ever. He learned how to give me Cheerios. He has accidentally given me treats for weeks and Mommy lets me have the scraps he leaves behind. But, now this new skill opens so many doors to our relationship. I can see chicken and cheese in our future…not just Cheerios. I’ll take vegetables as well. The parentals say I’m a weird dog because I love most fruits and vegetables. Whatever, they’re healthy and they help me keep my athletic physique. Anyway, now that human puppy has learned this new trick, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.