Why I could never be a housewife

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Why I could never be a housewife

There are two main reasons why I could never be a successful housewife. Stay-at-home-mom, sure. I could do that. Housewife, no. Here’s why:

Reason 1: I suck at crafting.

In my mind, all perfect housewives are the love children of MacGyver and Martha Stewart. You can give a housewife a hairball, a pine cone, and a glue gun and by the time she’s done it’s a beautiful Christmas ornament. I can barely do a paint by number without getting frustrated or bored. Crafting stresses me out. I get bad flashbacks to elementary school and being upset when my artistic classmates could make the perfect tissue paper penguins or had art projects that went in the display case. Meanwhile, half my clay sculptures had no paint on the butt or had one leg that was shorter than the other because that was “good enough”. I just get impatient with what my brain says my project is going to look like and the reality. My mom tells amazing stories about when I got so frustrated that the unicorns I was drawing looked more like stick people than the fantastic beasts that were in my vision. It’s really hard for a six-year-old to capture majesty with a Crayola marker, but I just wanted my hand to make magic happen. It didn’t.

The lack of crafting ability trickles into my ability to decorate. We’ve lived in our house for nearly four years and have some pretty lame decorations. Husband tries really hard. I just have no vision. If I do have vision, I worry that it’s a vision from 2002 and will look super dated. *sigh*It’s not that I’m not creative. I just choose my outlets differently. Give me some random ingredients and I’ll whip something up that might be edible. In fact, I find it incredibly fun to come up with whacky dishes. Give me a blank room and a couple of buckets of paint and I’ll curl in the fetal position and cry.

Reason 2: I am a free-spirit when it comes to cleaning.

The inspiration for this post was my evening spent mopping the kitchen floors. Every time I mop the floors I think, “God. This would be so much easier if I just Swiffered every day or every other day. I know! I’ll Swiffer tomorrow after dinner!” Tomorrow comes and do I Swiffer? Nope. On Pinterest I found this awesome little chart on how to keep your house clean by doing a little every day. Cleaning for me is like dieting for other people. I always think, “Oh, I’ll start this new fangled ‘clean a little every day thing’ next Monday.” You can’t possibly start something like that on a random Thursday. The next Monday rolls around and I find some new excuse. It’s too hot. It’s raining. We have a lunch date. There’s always something. 🙂

One of my weirder personality traits is the time when I’m at my peak cleaning potential. Many people are really good at getting to cleaning early in the morning. Not me. I do some of my best cleaning between 11:00 p.m. and 1:00 a.m. I am not a night owl by nature, but I somehow procrastinate going to bed by cleaning. I don’t know why. It just happens. Now I clean at night because that’s the only time when I don’t have to worry about Ben drinking bleach. However, before Ben, there was still something about cleaning at night that really struck a chord with me. I think it’s because waking up to a dirty kitchen stresses me out. Even in college when we had parties, I’d drunkenly clean the kitchen after everyone had left. I like having a clean house, I just don’t like being the one to do it. If only I were richer and could afford a cleaning lady….sigh.

So, the moral of the story is that I can be a stay-at-home-mom because I can take care of the babies and cook the food. I just couldn’t be a housewife and do the crafting and the cleaning. How these duties got divided in my mind, I’m not sure. But there you have it. Stay-at-home-mom=yes. Housewife=never.

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